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Like it’s something they’re born with and nothing can be done about it. And if the answer is “attraction,” just imagine me reading this article aloud to you, really close to your face, without modulating the volume of my voice. My friend scrolls through the photos of a man on Facebook.But of the 90% of the reported racial preferences, 89.9% are preferences for white people. Let’s not get heteronormative now; we’re only in the third paragraph.)Now, it gets tricky, because when a person sits down and says that they particularly want to date white people, they’re not thinking about the fact that the client before them, and the client after them, are saying the same thing.They’re not thinking about the fact that this is a widespread phenomenon.
That they’re actively harboring racist fantasies about certain minority groups? I think they genuinely don’t feel all hot and bothered when thinking about them.This means I have been #blessed to hear a lot of this nonsense, and honestly, most of it doesn’t faze me. I meant monumental and indicative of an entrenched and deeply troubling societal prejudice that we have been unable to overcome throughout the course of human history.Because people become the most neurotic versions of themselves on their quest for True Love, and that’s totally allowed. Here’s the thing: when asked during in-person meetings, 90% of my clients report having racial preferences. And I’m not just talking about white-on-white preferences.According to the 20 Hollywood Diversity Report, minorities “remain underrepresented on every front.” They’ve reported that “more than half of films had casts that were 10% minority or less.” (The Every Single Word Spoken project is a great illustration of this.) Hollywood is also hot. The problem is that no one is inundating us with hot Asian guys, or hot black women who aren’t Kerry Washington. Studies have shown that we are attracted to what we know and are used to, but as Deborah Ward writes, “Repeated exposure to certain people will increase our attraction toward them.” This means that a conscious change in behavior will impact subconscious desires. Whether workplaces to their goals of diversity is another, much longer, discussion, but the guidelines are there. But somehow, dating someone based on their skin is not.So when I ask my clients who their celebrity crush is, they pick white people. I know it’s awful, but I’m just not attracted to black people.”Often, what I want to respond is:1) There are other races besides white and black.2) You’re not attracted to black people? You’ve met all of them, and not a SINGLE PERSON does it for you? Of course it Now switch the scenario and pretend it’s an employer, discussing who to hire (maybe replace children with interns? We’re comfortable (theoretically) with integrating our schools and workplaces, but we stop short when it comes, quite literally, too close to home. As Ward says, “You cannot control what you’re not aware of.