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(There are several different forms of spanking, including disciplinary, role play, playful, sensual and sexual/erotic; at SSNY parties, participants are encouraged to stay away from sexual and erotic play.) Although a bondage community began flourishing in the '80s, spanking isn't really bondage; though, as one spanko told me, "it could be considered sort of like a gateway drug to it." But those gathered at the SSNY party are, for the most part, like Gary: They aren't so much getting off on having their asses slapped as they are fulfilling a need. "If spanking is sexual, it ruins my head space," Jules tells me a few days after the party."It's like if a woman who had a rape fantasy suddenly had a guy going, ' Are you OK? Sex ruins the fantasy, and if it's not 100 percent not sexual, it feels like incest." (At the same time, Jules admits that she fantasizes about being spanked when she masturbates and that she's gotten wet while being spanked.) Still, people do not, for the most part, have sex at the parties, nor do they tend to pair off and have sex afterward. Time and time again, the spankos I interview tell me they were fascinated with spanking from a young age and thought they were alone with this obsession.They cite movies and TV shows with spanking scenes that captivated them as children (a 1963 John Wayne movie called "Mc Lintock!," Elvis' "Blue Hawaii," "Bonanza" and "The Little Rascals" seem to have been quite popular) and mention how they would look up the word "spanking" in the dictionary just to get the temporary thrill that would come from simply seeing the definition written out.
The man who determined we're under 45 is a top and is also probably the most handsome man in the room -- though, it should be noted, this is not a group that's going to be confused with the one lining up for fashion week at Bryant Park.
The woman is an impresario of the spanking world; she carefully screens every party guest (women are approved through e-mail while men must pass muster over the phone), arranges annual spanking events in Atlantic City that draw people from as far away as California and even Europe, and is in the process of expanding her current website with message boards, chat rooms, videos and lists of all the spanking parties going on around the world.
I soon find myself in a conversation with Gary, a 47-year-old switch who's an actor and sometime caterer.
"I asked her to direct one of my plays and she did an amazing job," Jessica had told me.
"It was about a boss and secretary and she really pulled out the power dynamic." Let's just say that Jessica knew how to pick directors, since 36-year-old Jules is something of an expert on power play: Not only has she been throwing these over the knee (OTK) spanking parties for the past three years but she's also been in a daddy-daughter relationship for the past two.