Tiny submissive accomodating female
Unfortunately the problem you describe, in one form or another, is very common. Human nature leads people to do what they percieve to be in their best interest.Most people realize, to some degree or another, that it is in their best interest to nurture meaningful relationships and to treat others with appropriate levels of respect and concern.You can say, "Mother, I love you and I'm going to take care of you, but I'm not going to talk with you or spend a single extra moment in your house if you speak to me this way." If she acts as if she has no idea what you're talking about, be specific, for example, you can say something like, "I don't want your opinion about my appearance." If she doesn't stop her belittling behavior, follow through by limiting your phone conversations and other contact with her.If you find it impossible to stand up to your mother and demand that she treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve, it might be a good idea to see a counselor or therapist and explore your willingness to tolerate such disrespectful behavior.You say that "now especially I want us to enjoy our 'last times' together," This may be an unrealistic expectation, but certainly you should try and see if you can turn the relationship around.You feel obligated to take care of your mother and keep her out of a nursing home, but this does not mean that you should put up with abusive behavior.
There is no one else who will take care of her, and she has no friends. I have always yearned for a normal relationship with my mother and now especially I want us to enjoy our "last times" together.
The sister left it all to me with an understanding that I would try to help mother -- just mother.
After 2 years of being mother's caregiver I understand.
My step-dad passed away last summer, after he and my mother were married for 36 years.
Throughout their marriage, my mom controlled virtually every aspect of his life, including what he could say, what he should eat, what he should wear, who he could be friends with -- the list goes on and on.
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For example, you do not need to answer the phone when she calls.